When you make assumptions about how things should be, how people should act, or even what they're thinking, you are doing them and yourself a great disservice. Those are the people who really matter to you, and they’ll have your back, as you have theirs. Don’t waste time hanging on to those people who expect you to conform to their wishes or ideas. Trying to be someone you aren’t will leave you feeling unfulfilled. Otherwise, you need to try to love yourself and just not care what anybody thinks about you. Always assuming the worse case scenario, you will likely also turn little problems into big ones. Don't try to please everyone.. By surrounding yourself with people who truly care for you, you can draw on that strength and the knowledge that you don’t need to worry about the haters. They spend more time focused on their own insecurities, worries and inner dialogue than actually thinking about others. The problem is that many of us make other people’s opinions of us pivotal to our success. If they're an acquaintances, random neighbor, or someone you encounter casually on the street or at a party, remind yourself that they truly cannot and will not affect your life! Perfection is an illusion because it is subjective and changeable. Mindful Minute: How Do I Stop Assuming the Worst? It's just not possible, and can only lead to feelings of failure since it can never be 100 percent achieved. Don’t grow up in this short life only to look back in regret, constantly asking 'why' or 'what if,'" he wrote. Focus on what brings you joy. – Lao Tzu. The choice is yours. There is a very simple way to stop assuming the worst in others. The problem is, it doesn’t work. If you’re not where you want to be in life, set goals for yourself so that you can get there. It's why how to stop worrying about what other people think is a valuable life skill that can serve us all incredibly well. Practice self-care by spending time nurturing your body and your soul. I spend quite a lot of time on my clothing and appearance and I bet I would do this less if I didn't judge others so harshly. You can start with these nine simple, surefire ways to eliminate the worry and free yourself to be yourself. So give them the benefit of the doubt. Finally tell a person that you have feelings for them? The only way to learn how to stop overthinking for good is to take charge of your life. Don’t try to figure it out on your own. It’s time to put their thoughts out of your mind. This means that while you might be completely mortified about falling on your face on the subway platform this morning, or are worried what people will say about your outfit tonight, odds are you're focusing on it way more than anyone else. Don’t try to cover up who you are. So, instead of assuming the worst, assume the best. The fact of the matter is sometimes people act out of jealousy, insecurity, or of feeling threatened. How a friend could have been more respectful. When you do this, you’re diminishing and discrediting yourself. Who’s to say they’re thinking anything bad about you at all? This is why you’ll never be able to please everyone else as well as yourself. Klaus Vedfelt | Getty Images. Work to develop deep and meaningful connections with people you trust and respect. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't care what other people think of me. Some of this is natural -- it’s part of the human condition to be self-aware and concerned about how others are perceiving us. It’s impossible! Stay open minded and try to understand where the other person is coming from. 1. ... Other Meredith Sites. "This is not a reflection of your failings; rather, it is a reflection on where the others are coming from." In another Psychology Today piece, Dr. Fredric Nueman wrote that we should always ask ourselves if another person's opinion should matter to us in the first place when we're starting to feel insecure. Trying to be a people pleaser is going to sabotage your success and happiness. Once your thoughts start to run away from … Their actions may be screaming “poor manager” or “grumpy spouse,” but you may find their heart, and their aspirations, are absolutely in alignment with your own. Nothing good will ever come from fixating on what you think other people are thinking about you. Life is too short to allow yourself to be held back by the potential judgments of others. Stop worrying about their opinions--especially if they're critical, unsuccessful or unhappy. If you know you can get through the "worst case" (which may not even happen), then you'll be way more likely to go through with whatever it is. We’ll feature a different book each week and share exclusive deals you won’t find anywhere else. It’s likely something they did unintentionally. Look for role models you admire. Think of this as “The Golden Rule” with a twist. If you think negatively about others, try to stop doing that. To stop thinking too much, try exercising whenever you're overthinking something, which can help take your mind off whatever it is you're thinking about. Or worse, sometimes I've actively adjusted or altered aspects of myself or life to fit into other people's expectations — like when I switched my major in college because my mom didn't approve of the one I had chosen. Tan also stressed the importance of reminding ourselves that life is … In order to stop worrying about what others think, you need to remember to love and respect yourself first. Image credit: So try to let go of some of that anxiety and relax a little! Find out how to identify them and how to change these distortions. stop worrying about what other people think, ask ourselves if another person's opinion should matter. Don't Assume You Know What Others Are Thinking and Feeling by Monica A. Frank, PhD. I've spent hours of my life stressing over what coworkers think or if someone at a party didn't seem to to believe I was awesome. We all do it, but a habit of pessimistic thoughts can wreak havoc on your life. Accept your differences and become comfortable in your own skin. Stop Assuming You Know What Other People Think We typically don't really know what other people are thinking. These individuals become people-pleasers and are overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged. It’s easy to read into things, like someone’s tone of voice, facial expressions and reactions. Circumstance Versus Character. Most of all, stop letting people take advantage of you. All you can be is you. Do you sometimes think to yourself — My kids, my friends, my spouse or my significant other know that I love them. Deriving pleasure from another’s misfortune. If you’re ever going to truly let go of paralyzing worry, you’re going to have to stop taking personally the actions and words of others. And stop letting others make decisions for you. Think of your current relationships, and define whether some of those people are feeding negative programs to your subconscious mind. Cognitive distortions, or distorted thinking, causes people to view reality in inaccurate, often negative, ways. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. Once you start to realize that people are fixated on their own issues and insecurities, it will be easier to stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. Often people are so caught up in their own inner dialogue and worries that they aren’t really aware that the way they say something or how they handled a situation may come off wrong. Here are four things you can do: Negative thinking and cynical thinking can have negative impacts on your health and mind. These thinking errors can be strong habits that you engage in subconsciously, and a cognitive behavioural therapist can help you address specific issues and give you the tools needed to change your thoughts for the better. But what you really need to do is stop overthinking everything. Assuming positive intent is an important contributor to quality of life. Yes, start thinking of your flaws as lovable, however contradictory that sounds. You will never really know what other people are thinking unless you have mind reading superpowers. Love yourself including your faults. Founder of the life coaching site How To Live Tom Murcko said one of the best ways to stop caring so much about what other people think is to imagine what you'd be doing if you didn't have any pressures from anyone else in your life. She would constantly remind us that sometimes doing the right thing — whether it be right in the context of a situation or simply making a decision that we know is right for us personally — won't always make us liked by others. In order to stop caring what others think, Thornton and Masini say you must take steps toward objectivity and develop a value system that doesn’t depend on others. It means when you are in a relationship with someone who cares but doesn’t always get it right according to your grand plan of the way the world should be, you stop assuming their intentions (especially if they’re negative), you give them the benefit of the doubt, and when in doubt, you ask. Fill your life with people who embody the kind of traits and characteristics you hold in high regard. Have the courage to determine for yourself your own measure for excellence; that’s the measuring stick you should apply instead of an arbitrary sense of perfection. Sign up here for my free, monthly newsletter. Here are four steps to help you stop worrying about what other people think, designed to help you maintain healthier and happier relationships with yourself and others. 1. You may not realize it, but you’re probably preoccupied with how other people perceive you. We're just guessing, and those guesses usually stem from our own insecurities. Understand why you care. I understand that the data I am submitting will be used to provide me with the above-described products and/or services and communications in connection therewith. Related: 10 Powerful Ways to Master Self-Discipline. When you walk into a room, do you automatically feel everyone’s eyes on you? "Don’t hold back by caring about what others think. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. Elaine. If you’re constantly tailoring your life to fit the expectations of others, you’re not really living your own life. The act of writing can often lead to additional clarity, where you might see the other assumptions surrounding the one you’ve recognised. Monitor your thoughts.Think about what you thinking about. Feel how freeing it is to let go of that worry. And then every now and then it hits me: if I'm being totally honest, I don't like everyone I encounter in life either. 10 Quotes That Will Make You Stop Caring What Others Think. Spend a week really watching for when you are assuming things, even writing them down. If we just stop and do our own fact-checking before deciding that we know something, we’ll avoid the trap of false assumptions and most likely prevent a lot of unnecessary difficulties for ourselves and others. In a piece for Psychology Today, psychologist Raj Raghunathon reminded us that hurt people often hurt people. You can't control that, but you can take their opinions with a grain of salt and be affected by them less overall. You will gain a new perspective and outlook on life. On The Feel Good Life, a site devoted to being your happiest self, guest contributor and blogger Aldan Tan wrote that it's important to remember that generally people are pretty self-absorbed. So why should I waste my valuable time and energy worrying about if everyone else likes me? Tan also stressed the importance of reminding ourselves that life is short. You can either choose to believe how others see you, or you can decide for yourself who you are and what you’ll become. Many of these recommendations focus on action, which pulls you out of your head.. Look for opportunities to make mistakes - If you’re prone to overthinking because you don’t want to make the wrong decision, open to the possibility that you very well might.You’re human, and you operate with … Stop giving other people that power over you. What one person thinks of as perfect, another may see as flawed (whether real or imagined). The more relaxed you are with yourself, the less it will matter what others think because you’ll know that their opinions don’t have sway over you. You need to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. What most people think of as perfect has to do with their goals or desires -- so you may have an entirely different perspective on perfection. If you’re a highly sensitive person, this may be hard. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Putting the Thoughts to Rest Take several deep breaths. By constantly deferring to other people, you’re letting everyone else -- even complete strangers -- run your life. For just $5 per month, get access to premium content, webinars, an ad-free experience, and more! There’s no room for them in your life anyway. Creating a Tribe That Will Help Your Business Succeed, 10 Things You Can Do to Boost Self-Confidence, How Getting Fired Forced This Woman to Rebuild Her Confidence ... and How You Can Do the Same, Fitness Professional Jay Dang on Why Confidence Is the Key to Success, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: 4 Ways to Boost Your Confidence, 7 Powerful Public Speaking Tips From One of the Most-Watched TED Talks Speakers. Stop worrying if others will accept or appreciate you, and learn to accept and love yourself. I committed to practicing that strategy and here are 10 things I’ve discovered. How we got wronged by someone else. Stop caring about what other people think and actively live your life. Business Lessons From Tiger Woods' Triumph at the Masters, 10 Powerful Ways to Master Self-Discipline. To stop worrying, tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers. Initiate a conversation if something doesn’t sit right with you. Antidotes to Overthinking. “It’s not happening now.” Yes, it’s certainly possible that a catastrophe could occur, but it’s not … Trying to attain perfection is a fruitless pursuit. Yet we all have unique perspectives and ideas, our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. It's very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in … You should always treat others as you want to be treated, but you also need to model this behavior by treating yourself with kindness and compassion. In fact, the opposite is true. He noted that recognizing this means you'll be more likely to let what others think or say roll of your back — because it often doesn't actually have a lot to do with you in the first place. Will a friend be temporarily annoyed? Related: Creating a Tribe That Will Help Your Business Succeed. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. All rights reserved. Quit Overthinking. Related: Business Lessons From Tiger Woods' Triumph at the Masters. You can also meditate for 15-20 minutes every day, which will improve your ability to let go of your thoughts and help you focus on the present. 6 Ways To Stop Judging. Will you be booed on stage? Realize that your innate worth is completely separate from how “perfect” you are. This may not make you feel any better but they probably aren't thinking about you at all. – We can’t … A Chicago Tribune piece on ways to stop caring about what others think recommended imagining the worst-case-scenario before you embark on something you're nervous about. Moreover, assuming the worst when it comes to other’s intentions, opens the door to conflict. I often go along thinking things about other people, judging them, and I don't even realize it. Related: Want to Be Successful? Make a conscious effort to stop assuming what others may be thinking. For instance, you think uncharitable thoughts about how fat your cousin has gotten and congratulate yourself on staying slim. I've always found that keeping this in mind helps me to care less what others think. Stop right there! 9 Better Things to Do Than Worry What Others Think About You 1. We all have different backgrounds and personalities, and some people just aren’t going to click with you. If your overthinking is caused by stress at work, rethink your career path. Make friends with people who are nonjudgmental and open-minded, and who practice respect for themselves and others. Spend your time and energy living your life the best way you can, and consider how to best use your talents, gifts and abilities to make the world and people around you better. Next time you’re tempted to assume your colleague or family won’t go along with an idea, stop. But the alternative is wasting our valuable time and energy on things that are often out of our control. Would you leave a job that makes you miserable? You know what, I used to suffer from this terribly not so many years ago, so if your question is from the suffering place that mine was then I totally empathise with you; it’s not a nice place to be but it can disappear quickly. This is something a teacher always told my class in high school that has stuck with me for years. Embrace your individuality. We want to be appreciated and liked by others. If you're tired of stressing about whatever everybody thinks of you and want to free yourself of feeling like you need to fit into a certain mold, here are nine ways psychologists and experts say we can stop caring so freaking much about what everyone else thinks. This outlook also always helps to keep things in perspective — if you don't think your office-mate likes you, or that guy behind you in line was rude, focus instead on goals or projects that bring you joy. "What that means is that, even if you do your best to be kind and considerate, you may still be judged negatively by others," he wrote. Murcko noted that sometimes just visualizing how good this will feel encourages us to make it a reality. Stop deferring to everyone else.. Stop apologizing for everything, even when you … November is all about cultivating an attitude of gratitude. You may think everyone is staring at you, passing judgment on a million different flaws (real or imagined). On his site Uncommon Help, therapist Mike Tyrrell stressed the importance of thinking about other people's true motivations when they say something negative about you. You don’t know what they’re thinking.